Day 20: The best gift for our children

When our son was about four or five, we were having a heated argument.

We were talking rather loudly in the living room. He was in his bedroom and, unbeknownst to us, he had gone to the dining room cabinet where we kept our Precious Moments figurines. 

One of those was a bridal couple someone threw out because of a crack in the porcelain such that you could pull the bride and groom apart.

The next thing we knew, our son was striding up to us, hands on his hips, beckoning us to look at the cabinet. He had actually opened the cabinet – which he wasn’t supposed to – and moved the bride and groom apart. 

It was like a slap in the face. He was upset with mum and dad fighting. We tried to reason that we were just having a robust debate. But he firmly told us that we were not talking nicely to each other.

He was right. We had taught him that even when we are upset and angry, we should still speak politely and treat the other person well. 

We had to humble ourselves, apologise to him and to each other.

That incident has forever remained in our memory as a stark reminder that:

1. Our children watch us

There is a song from a musical that goes:

“Careful the things you say
Children will listen
Careful the things you do
Children will see
And learn.”

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)

The Shema in Deuteronomy exhorts parents to impress values and virtues, right principles and positive behaviours on our children. 

How? By walking the talk in daily living:

• When we sit at home, watching TV with our children.
• When walking along the road, on the way to tuition class.
• When lying down, putting them to bed.
• When we get up, and getting them up to be on time for school or church.

Tie them on our hands, bind them on our foreheads, and write them on our doors and gates. Basically, we need to model through our own lives the kind of behaviours and attitudes we want of our children. Values are caught more than taught.

2. Our children need us, both of us, as one

My family has a history of divorce, so I can’t help but agree with the saying that “the best gift we can give our children is to love our spouse”.

The best gift is not a good education, an advantageous head start, powerful connections, a handsome inheritance. All that may be good, even important, but the best gift parents can give our children is when our children know that their parents’ marriage is intact, the love between Mum and Dad is authentic and the marital bond is unbreakable. 

Research shows the effects of divorce on children – from adjustment problems to poorer grades, disruptive conduct, substance use problems and mental health issues. 

Yet, Focus on the Family Singapore’s Whole Life Inventory survey revealed that 44% of married couples in our churches are dissatisfied with their marriage, to the point of being at risk of marital distress, with 8% of them actually considering divorce as an option.

Hebrews 13:4 instructs us to keep the marriage bed pure: “Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” 

Other than ensuring that sexual intimacy is a gift reserved exclusively for marriage, we need to ensure that nothing gets in between us as husband and wife.

3. Our children will leave us

Our son is now only a few years away from legally becoming an adult. But we’ve already been experiencing the empty nest syndrome because of his heavy involvement in numerous activities.

The reality of life is that after our children grow up, what’s left is whatever we – as husband and wife – have invested into our relationship from the time we walked down the aisle and made our vows. 

For sure, I don’t want to be looking at my spouse, wondering who this stranger is!

Strong marriages are the foundation of strong families, and strong families make a strong nation.

Let’s pray:

Father God, You have created man and woman to be uniquely different, yet complementary, such that when they are united in marriage, they would reflect the amazing love between Christ and His bride, the Church.

Help every husband to deeply love his wife, and every wife to wholeheartedly respect her husband. We bless every couple to honour each other in their marriage, for the benefit of the next generation and Your glory.

We pray also that You would turn the hearts of dads and mums toward their children, and for the children’s hearts to be turned toward their parents. Bless every family represented in our churches to experience the grace and mercy of God, so that we can in turn bless the families around us. 

In Jesus’ mighty name we pray, Amen.